At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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