No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
