no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just high enough for therapy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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