I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
