I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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