I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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