I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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