Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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