is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
