farters have to be the big spoon...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
