I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
