The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
