We named our party play list daddy issues
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize