I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
