worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
