I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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