blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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