My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
