CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
