So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
