First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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