don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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