is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
