Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
