i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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