very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
