Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
