I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
