I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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