we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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