Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
