I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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