And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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