actually, I'm a sock model
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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