I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
