margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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