Your tits are I can't wait for
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
