he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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