i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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