Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize