I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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