Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
