His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
