I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
