I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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