Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Two words: blizzard sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
