he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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