tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse