not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?