Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.