That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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