i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize