i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
