I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
