i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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