Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
