You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
