my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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