My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize