u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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