i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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