I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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