i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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