Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
