going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
