So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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